it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
