New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
