forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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