Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
