Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
