We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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