he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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