Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
