I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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