I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Four minutes until I can fart!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
