She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
