omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
