Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
