Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
