I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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