I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize