I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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