Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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