3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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