it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize