Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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