I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
