It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
