The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
