But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
