also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
