Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
