I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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