Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We are two peas in an std pod
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
