You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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