This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Send help, water and tortillas.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
