keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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