so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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