Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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