im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
