So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
