Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
