mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
