He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
