hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
