Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So here I am, sexting at work.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
