My nipple is on Facebook.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
