It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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