the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
