So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
