Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
