apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
All I want is dick and wine.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
