So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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