You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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