I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
