Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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