You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
