Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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