Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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