My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
