I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
