is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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