So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
