Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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