So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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