So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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