maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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