Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
