for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
