I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
