idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
