guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I can text with my tongue
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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