yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
