I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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