just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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